sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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