So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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