ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
