should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize