So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
