My cat gives me a boner
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
