6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
