Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
