A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
