How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
