it wasn't lemon gatorade
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
