the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
