Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
