is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
