There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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