Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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