WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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