cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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