So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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