Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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