On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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