1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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