Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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