Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize