Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
