i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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