i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you made out with another girl for some wings
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
