we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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