my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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