This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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