I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
