first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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