i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
