She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
