I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize