You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
