Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
