Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
