You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
