Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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