We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
