haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
