I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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