I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
