My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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