I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
