Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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