is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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