Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
