you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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