it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
