Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
