didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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