Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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