the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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