i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
PANTIES FOUND
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