You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
