there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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