you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
