he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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