I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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