..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
