If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize