I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
