$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
