The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
